...always waiting for the bottom to fall out...

During church today I had a serious desire to blog about something that has been weighing on my heart a lot over the last couple of years. It is something that I have talked to a few people about, but I don't think I have ever really opened up about the full extent of the situation. I don't even think situation is the right word, I just can't think of anything else to call it. So, basically, I have felt that the last three years of my life have been too good to be true. To the point that I am almost always waiting for the bottom to fall out. And I realize that this doesn't actually seem like a problem and like I'm finding reasons to complain somehow, but that's not what I feel this is. And don't get me wrong, if I look at the actual events of the past three years, it has been anything but perfect, but somehow, everything that has come out of the craziness has been such a huge blessing in my life. When I try to imagine a "better" life for me and my family, I can't. Well, maybe I can imagine some warmer weather, but even that struggle has made me a stronger person and I am grateful for that.

I know this is a lame analogy, but all of you Sex and the City fans will know, in the first movie . Carrie asks Charlotte why she thinks something bad is going to happen and Charlotte says "Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen." That pretty much sums it for me. So many bad things happen to awesome people, and I just keep wondering how I got so blessed. And of course my go-to answer is because of Jesus Christ, and while that is true and I know that to be true, I find it hard to fully believe. Which then scares me that maybe my faith isn't what I think it is if I can't even accept Christ's blessings without questioning them. And that is where the problem is. I am having a crisis of faith of sorts and I'm not even sure how to move past it and deal with it. I need to know how I can just trust in the Lord that he is taking care of me. And that even if something bad is going to happen, I need to not dwell on it and worry on a constant basis. I need to know that my faith in Christ is secure enough that even when bad things happen, as they inevitably will, I know he will still shower me with blessings because I am his child.