Brian and I are coming up on our 4th wedding anniversary. I have avoided EVER writing about our marriage because...well, honestly I felt like 'what could I possibly know about marriage this early on?'. I mean, I feel like I can write about mothering and my new hobbies, so why have I felt like I was not qualified to speak on marriage? I have been a mother longer than I have been a wife, but only by 10 months...my hobbies I have started after I got married so those have had an even shorter life span. And yet, I have felt unqualified to speak on marriage. Even my own marriage!
But here it is.
Four years later and this is what I have to say for me and my husband: I LOVE MARRIAGE! I know that it isn't perfect. And it isn't always pretty, but so far it basically just seems like fun! The person I CHOSE to spend my life with makes me laugh. Daily. Maybe even hourly (when he's home, of course). He is the best dad I know. He is the best husband I know. I nag him sometimes. I feel needy sometimes. I even get mad at ridiculous things that are out of his control, but I love being married to him and I am *pretty sure* he enjoys being married to me.
The thing that has surprised me most about marriage is how comfortable it is. I love not feeling self-conscience. I love that even on my crazy days I am loved. NO MATTER WHAT. It is easy to feel unconditional love for you children. Even your pets! But for some reason people find it hard to find that same unconditional love in their partners THAT THEY CHOSE. I make a conscience decision daily to love B. I try and do something daily that will make him smile. I want to be his "dream girl".
I am not going to lie. I appreciate every single time he has come home to say that someone in his office has told him he has a cool wife because of something I have done for him. I like being the "cool" wife. I like that he feels he has something to be proud of when he talks about me. But that's not why I do those "cool" things. I do them because I know that he has his own needs. Separate from my own. Separate from anything that I can even understand. Just like I have my own needs that he has somehow managed to accommodate without fully understanding.
I pray that in another 3 years, when we hit that "7 year-itch", I will feel the same way I do now. I want to be able to look back on this post and have the same feelings about marriage that I do now.